The Chase: Pt. 1

Chasing a check seems to be the easiest and most advised chase for the millennial Black woman. Unfortunately, the problem with chasing coin and one that is never addressed, is the fact that in order to chase anything you have to be running away from something. Generally, what you are chasing lets you know what you are running away from. Running from financial struggles? Solution: Looks like you need to chase a bag. Running from relationship struggles? Solution: Run from the lames and let a real man chase you.  But see, chasing paper has always been a black woman’s “catch all”. The outlet to any type of tragedy is change. See what I did there? More often than none, we choose to “up” our pay grade. Why? Admit it or not, we still commonly believe that money is equivalent to happiness.

“Chase the bag sis”. It’s in every social media meme these days so that must make it the only answer. Your man isn’t acting right? Cut him off. Chase paper. Mind your man and when that fails… Mind your money. Mind your business. Your friends being disloyal? Cut em off. Chase paper. Go find some real dead friends since the ones you have are dead to you anyway. Your family mistreating you? Cut em off. Chase paper. You know it’s nothing in the black community to claim “Blood don’t make you family”. A little paper cut won’t hurt them. Job ain’t what you want it to be? Cut.. wait, stack bread, plot and prepare, then cut them off to chase paper. Contingency, my people, contingency.

For years I’ve tried to understand what I have been running from. I’ve cut and been cut so many times its still unbelievable that I still struggle with my own chase; my own journey. But that is the growth in realizing that there is no final answer, most times there isn’t even a right answer. This is because you never have only ONE solution. After months of self reflection covering years of experiences, I’ve realized I’ve been chasing the wrong things. The money, the men, the validation, none of it is relevant if I keep running from problems I know I have. Avoiding the problems by substituting them with a “catch-all” solution makes it hard for me to earn my WEALTH. Wealth of self that is… “I prefer to earn it. It makes me appreciate it more“. Maybe my honest self-reflection will kickstart your own.

1. Relationships

I was the type to be quick to say that a man can’t do anything for me that I can’t do for myself. This was true until I realized that I couldn’t cuddle with myself or provide myself with a little extra emotional stability. And to be honest, sometimes I felt like calling to God just wasn’t enough. After conversations that I’ve had with friends, exes, and coworkers I now know what makes me tick in relationships. But it didn’t come over night… It came from bumping my head on one too many headboards and waking up with a bruise to my spirit. Now what did we learn?

  • I’M DEADASS AFRAID OF COMMITMENT. Not because I don’t want to be tied down. That’s never the case. It’s the “being tied down to the wrong person” part that I’m afraid of. I’ve seen 20-30+ year marriages be in shambles, but to the public eyes everything is peachy keen. I know how I am.  I am not a quitter so if I am going to be committed to someone, he better be worth it and more. Mentally stimulate me. Sexually fulfill me. Emotionally stabilize me.
  • I LIE FOR NO REASON. Eh well there is always a reason to lie. It’s a defense mechanism for me if I just don’t want to be judged. If I don’t want someone to think of me differently, I find a way to mask my imperfections and my mistakes. I lie. First four months of my last relationship I was lying to my daddy about where I was going cause I didn’t want him knowing I was dating this new guy. My mama knew, just didn’t want my daddy to know his little girl was up to no good. Just stupid. A lot of this is due to my want for validation from everyone around me.
  • I NEED VALIDATION. Y’all can sit there and act like other people’s opinions of you don’t matter. They do. People need validation. It’s human nature and I am not afraid to admit that I need it. I don’t need it all the time, but in the times that I do, I will do whatever I need to get it. Whether or not people want to see the truth in social media… the truth is this: YOU ARE VALIDATED BY YOUR FOLLOWING. What I just said is the equivalent to “You are the company you keep”. Make a little more sense? Your following should be viewed as the people you keep around you. It’s your network. Your goals and your purpose should be surrounded by the appropriate people with the necessary resources. Your following is a reflection of your current vision. For instance, when I was all about having the juice? I had the flyest females in my circle and the finest men on my arm. I was young, my only concern was school and I had a reputation to keep up for appearances. The vision has changed now though.
  • I LIKE TO DO “HOE SHIT” AND TALK ABOUT IT WITH MY FRIENDS. Look, I said what I said. I don’t care who wants to screenshot it and send it off to my daddy or whomever they believe should see it. I am my own person. I say what I want. I do what I want. I’m 23. I’ve done quite a bit to be proud of and a whole lot that I’m ashamed of, but I am using every downfall and trophy moment to develop into the super woman I’ve always seen myself to be. So… this is a shout out to that one female that said she didn’t agree with or approve of how I was “moving” in college… 1st of all you know nothing about me outside of what anyone told you about me and we all know there are multiple sides to a story. 2nd, I don’t move for you or your friend group. Like I said earlier, I do what I want and who I what when I want to. You can have that married life in your 20s. It isn’t for me, catch me in another ten. Howboutdeht.

 

That’s just  part one…I gotta get back to the bread.

Just Keep Sippin,

T

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